hav been doin a lot of window shoppin dis daes..man.it's GSS sale now n i aint buyin anithin? wad's wif me?
i jux cant seem to feel e urge or desperate need to buy somethin.dis is bad.
i mean, i enter a shop and oogle at the items on display.fine, at times i STARE lar okay? but somehow i dun see my hand stretchin out to pick up e obj to purchase it.i went to JP wif chewy n amy n saw some realli neat n cool stuff.but i jux kept it in my heart.dere's dis realli strange inner voice of me tellin me tt i shouldnt buy it.but why am i so willin to spend $$ on others?
when i see pple buy stuff, i do wan to buy stuff too...but dere's dis force pullin me back.like when shoppin wif MILK at orchard.saw mad buy a wallet n i happened to like one dere.i kept lookin n lookin n lookin at it.i tink e salesgurl might even be tinkin tt i was goin to steal it or sth.but eventually i told myself:NO.*sigh*
i aint broke.i aint rich.but pple keep sayin: no no no liwen.u are so d a m n rich lar!com'on man! dun forget u worked at starhub last yr n earned a 4 fig salary? my reply to u pple now is: So?
i dunch noe, i juz feel like i shouldnt be spendin dis money.though i earn it, i jux dun feel good abt spendin it.yes, u sae, dis is good wad.u r being thrifty...but tt's not me.when i was in sec sch i aint lidat.i realli went on shoppin sprees but i hav nv overdone it.
i keep spendin on e wrong thins.i buy food.yes.no prob abt tt.no hesitation.n i'm fat.not fat fat but fatter den wad liwen should hav been.i dun like it.i dun like it when i cant fit in my pants.i noe dis is being selfish cos some of moi frnes would hav killed to hav moi build.so i SINCERELY APOLOGISE NOW.i am tryin to voice my opinion now, tt's all.he calls me elephant leg whenever i wear my FBT. not tt i dun like it, it's fun i admit.but it makes me tink at time.i am short.wad now? FAT? sh*t.now, i am becomin one of those typical bimbos who go *eEeeew i gort another piece of fat here! *pinch pinch* tt's not me.i aint talkin abt FAT FAT.*sigh* wad can i sae? well, those muscles tt i used to be so PROUD OF and ADMIRE are now extremely LOOSE.
i need gateway to pump those muscles into me again.
ugh.*digression*
anw, i hav nv felt poor.my dad is a great man.l love him to bits.i cant imagaine life w/o him.i lurve him i lurve him.i'm not sick okie? but i jux cant describe dis feelins in words.
my family has nv been rich nor poor.we are jux a middle class family.income not exceedin **** i shant tell u how much.but he nv makes me feel poor.he alwaes bought thins for me whenever i show a likin for it.he doesnt mind how much it cost.he always spends money on us(my family)n not on himself.[sh*t, i tink i'm on e verge of cryin now]anw, he has not bought a shoe for like 2-3 yrs? he has oni a FEW pairs of shoes for both casual n office wear.when he buys shoes.it's oni when they are literally WORN OUT.he's not selfish.he REFUSES TO buy shirts even when dere are sales yet i keep complainin t i dun hav enuff shirts n shoes.e oni time he buys new shirts is jux before new year.jux tt once oni.omg.he cares so MUCH for my family n all e sacrifices he has made.he has been workin non-stop ever since i could rmb...workin OT if necessary n ever since e recession, he even take up more den one job.*daddeeeeeeeeeee!!! how can i let him labour so hard n spend all those money away? i ought to do sth! he refuses to let me work n wants to me study hard.tt's all.
n stupid enuff, at times when i am frustrated wif all e studyin, i would sit down n blame them.how could i? i would wonder who i am stufyin so hard for.i would think tt it was for them.cos tt's wad they expect of me.but no!!!i am so wrong.nv so wrong in my life before.i am studyin cos i wan to GIVE THEM A GOOD LIFE WHEN I GROW UP [shit now i'm cryin]. i cant make him work so hard animore.no more.my dad is 53 dis yr.yet he labours day in day out to earn a livin for dis family.my gawd* he nv complains! he always come home wif a smile to me although i noe tt he is so tired aft a long dae.yet i fail to notice it before.i am useless.
now my bro is in uni and e fees are like *****??!! they hav used up quite a lot of their savings alreadi n now hav to use e CPF to pay for it.dere are times when i wish i could get a scholarship to fund my uni in order not to burden them.but i noe if i stay like dis, no one is goin to offer me a scholarship.but i juz cant seem to giv up on all the fun n playin.i jux cant sit down to study.i realli hav to sit down n tink.
luckily when i was young, i was dong3 si4 enuff not to whine for thins tt i see when we go shoppin.back in those daes, it was jux look n touch n go.no buyin them.things tt i get are hand-me-downs n things tt they tink suit me.not tt i dun like it.i LOVE it.i am satisfied.totally.but e human greed is such tt u always long for things tt u dun hav.it nv fails to slip into ur mind when u least noe it.
so i noe not to spend $$ on unnecessary thins.n now older, i still keep to dis habit.look-touch-n-go.makes me wonder wad would my children be like? would they be those spoilt kids who get EVERYTHIN n ANYTHIN tt they wan or not need at all? i hope not.yes, we need to spend money to help rebuild our economy.so i decided to leave dis to those rich brats out dere.
i hav been under the lure of luxury items n yes i feel somwhere lackin when i dun own such thins too.but come to tink of it, i hav survive w/o them for 17 yrs? so why cant i now?
got dis from sarah's blog =D
Bold the things that apply to you.
i have a cell phone.
i have friends that use me. - erm, used to
i am an only child.
i am a shopoholic.
i love dangly earrings.
i love cold weather.- esp after it juz rained
i'm obsessed with the computer.
i have shot a gun before.
i can't live without music.
i have no tolerance of ignorant people.
i have ridden on a motorcycle before.
i'll be in this town forever.
i've been to 5 other countries.-ugh jux short of one
i get annoyed easily.- sadly, yes
i eventually want kids.
i have neat handwriting.
i have more than a few horrible memories.
i am addicted to chocolate.
i am an atheist.
my parents are strict. -sorta
i love airplane rides.
i love taking pictures.-YES YES YES YES!!!
i hate people who are fake.*gRrr
i can be mean when i want to.-so dun mess wif me
my parents care about my grades.-they sae they dun but i can tell tt they DO
one of my best friends is a guy.
i have way too many purses.
i'm obsessed with lip gloss.
i am easy to talk to.
i would never eat raw fish.
i cry easily.-hey it's TRUE!
i hate when people are late.-tt is, when i'm NOT late
i procrastinate.
i love winter.
i have too many clothes for my closet/dresser.
i love to sleep.
i wish i were smarter.
i'm afraid of flying.-i'm afraid of HEIGHTS
i hate drama.
i bite my nails.-used to
i have been on an 8 hour drive.
i never fight with my parents.-fight as in 'fight'? nah*
i love the beach.-n the tan
i have never had the chicken pox.
i have gone out in public in my pajamas.
i can't control my emotions.
i have a best friend.
i have moved more than once.
i truly love my friends.
i have braces.
i have never broken a bone.
i hate my computer.
i love guys that play the drums.
i state the obvious.-dUh
i'm a happy person.-am i?
i love to dance.
i love to sing.
i love cleaning my room.
i tend to get jealous very easily.-sadly yes.i'm a taurus u noe?
i love cute underwear.-but i dunch wear them f.y.i
i love night better than day.
i don't like to study for tests.
i have been on the phone for over 5 hours.
i am too forgiving.
i have horrible sense in direction.-hey, i GEOG student k?
i miss elementary school.
i'm a daddy's girl.-this, i profess.daddy i lurve u!!!
i love kisses on my forehead.
i love the color pink.-isn't it obivous enuff?
i love to sew.-but i cant =(
my eye color changes.-at nite...hahas...
i should see a therapist.-tt's wad pple tell me.
i played on a guys sports team.
i become stressed easily.-headaches!
i hate liars.
i like comfy sweatpants.
i can play the piano.
i love the smell of rain.
i love my family.
i hate needles.
i am a perfectionist.
i always wanted to learn to play the drums.
i hate the feeling of failure.
i have friends in other countries.
i know how to cook.
i can be quite selfish.
at times, i still act like a little kid.-should be ALL THE TIME
i have food allergies.
i love to read.
i wish i were more motivated for school.
i love getting stuff in the mail.
i have problems with letting go of old feelings.
i hate being alone.
i love summer.
i love the weekends.
i love black eyeliner.
i type with one hand.
i live in a one storey house.
i wear make-up.
i have never rode on an underground subway.
i can't swim.
i have bad memories.
i go to church.
i sing in the shower.
i have never been camping.-guides camp has always been a trauma
i hate cheerleaders.-sorri
i usually get what i want.
i have been on stage before.
i love roller coasters.
no one knows my full story of my life.
i am close with my parents.-and i hav pet names for them too!
i don't have a curfew.-unless i've been a bAD gurl
aiyahyah...meant to be an entry on mon...delay until now...cos my bro was preparin for exams n i cant use e com UNTIL TODAY!!! *ugh*
my dae was so bad i dunnoe wad happen to me...muz be so mon blues arhx...hahas...so i had phy make up lesson...supp to start at 9...so me plan to meet hup at boon lay interchange at 8...hahas...
MISTAKE NO.1: dunno why i set alarm to ring at 7.30 when i obviously dun hav enuff time to get ready for sch
MISTAKE NO.2: i pressed SNOOZE when it rang...wad the??!!! so now i'm even later than late...hmms...wad was i tinkin? n i jux happily slept til 7.40 ugh*
MISTAKE NO.3: okies, dis not entirely my mistake lar...but i rec sms from clemmie to inform wad to bring for makeup at 7.39am...OMG.i hav to REPACK MY ENTIRE BAG!!! now i'm super duper later than later than late!!!
oh yeah in e process of hurryin i forget:
1.my WEP notes which i copied like crazzeeee
2. my gravitation notes plus tutorial which he hasnt fin goin thru
3. to eat breakfast...~but thanks hup for gettin me moi breakfast in e end
4. to wear my earrings...sigh...no pretttiiii
5. i FORGET xiao hei a.k.a. BLACKIE!!! *screams* *pulls hair* oww...i forgot to strap him onto my bag...sigh...n to tink i purposeli put him on my hp chair e previous nite so tt i'll rmb him e nxt morn...so now he's still sittin comfortably on my hp chair...=/
6. oh yeah...n i forgt to bring 'fluids' notes...*grumbles*
so my dae wasnt so good n i hav to tie moi hair to sch cos my mum keeps naggin at me to tie it as it's pretti long n UGLY...*sigh* fortunately i managed to get my hair into a bunneee tail without gettin all my hair pulled out in e process...in the current state of mind back den...i was afriad i would becum botak man...
thanks hup so much...seein her i sort of calmed down...*ahhhx....thankew thankew thankew! =) at least things start to get better....
heeheess....GOOD THINGS THAT START BEGINNIN TO HAPPEN TO ME:
1. i saw a male...okie a guy...*finE* a BOY (sigh...cant he be older???) wearin RONALDO'S JERSEY!!!woohooos!!!tt so DEFINITELy cheered me up...but too bad he too young for me to oogle at...*bleahs*
2. saw on TV mobile tt NADAL won e French OPen...heehees...another shuai ge who's oni 19 yrs old...but he's a really GOOD player...see e way he play...ver ver GOOD... 0.o
3. e ronaldo KID gort down at e same stop wif us!!! heehees...i was starin at his jersey man...if i were not late den...i would hav gone rip his jersey off and keep for myself...hahas...juz kiddin...anw, he was wearin e red n black jersey which i dun realli like as much...i like e red n white one =D
4. i was NOT so late aft all...cos MR KOH was even later...some confusion wif the admin...oh well...
but sadli...in e end he oni went thru dynamics n motion of circle...so it's wasnt a ver productive lesson...but i did learn some great stuff dere...=)
n toopid ching how n yuan shan wan to further rotten moi dae by comin to me AFTER e lesson n sae, hey let's go library do PW. tt's so unfair!!! they didn inform me e day before.n not before e lesson.n NOT DURIN THE LESSON! wad right do they hav to tink tt i am definitely FREE aft e lesson? tt's so rude and insensitive...nxt time, u wan a meetin.TELL ME BEFOREHAND. n dis's NOT the first time.i am getiin mad wif e way our group is doing things.i find it unfair to some pple.u dun seem to include everione in doin thins.that's bad.we are a group u see?i hope u noe hu i referin to.
hmms...so 1st week of hols gone *sWoooSSh* juz lidat...wow...gonna recap wad i did dis week
[mon]
1.went to softball camp earli in the morn to feed mosquitoes
2.had a PT which literalli killed me: 3 sets of -50 jumpin jacks-25 step ups for each leg-30 crutches-15 pushups-slow jog for 300m and 100m sprint (okie i admit...i had gastric pain so i dropped out at e 2nd set >.<
3.team building games: heeeyyyyyy we didn't CHEAT~~ ate bananas hangin from the goal post w/o hands. *eEww* caught and MISSED eggs fallin from the sky *splat*
4. lunch at adams road =|
5. technical trainin which was F-U-N!! hahs...the machine was so COOL...and i could BUNT!!! nice partner~ and den practised fielding which HURTS cos we aint wearin any gloves. p.a.i.n >.<
6. dinner at KAP...everione in cliques again...e 1st intake 1 grp, 2 intake 1 grp and the IPs another...
7. mental trainin watched a show called e long run...ver tired so slept a lil durin e show *oOps*
8. lights out after bathin *shu fu ji le*
[tue]
1. breakfast included bread, apples, peanut butter,kaya,nutella choc spread n chips--> i ate oni peanut butter bread.
2.prep for napfa test but found out somebodi did sth wrong n the entire gurls team had to run 10 rounds track. wow. pple were cryin and pple were complainin. but we all did it together nonetheless. yay.cant believe i can do it. now i aint afraid of anythin! *grinz*
3. exco elec nth much to sae.a lot of politics but i dun wan to get involved in it. congrats to those who gort in =D
4. lunch time was crazzee....can somebodi pls sack the guard on duty? cant he open e gate for us? yes i noe it's not 1pm...but it's sch hols u noe? we aint skippin no lessons!!! and so i hav to walk out e main gate to get my meals.oh man!was rushin crazily to CORO wif amy n chewy as we hav less than 35 min to hav our meals...realli hectic and e auntie cookin our meals was so SLOW.anw, we ta-paoed back n chiong back to sch jux in time before e coach leaves.
5. went to kallang for dragon boat paddle here n dere...pretti cool but tirin...
6. dismissed. chiong home to bathe and hav dinner before goin to ASTATINE CHALET!!!
7.slept e entire trip frm boon lay to pasir ris...neck was sore by den reached at 9 plus
8. went to e chalet at aloha...wOOos...dere's 4 rooms, 5 toilets, a kitchen living room n dining room...not to mention a bbq pit oustide..cOOl...hahas...so big n nice~
9. sat down and watched tv while eatin our pizzas...
10. den we played zhong ji mi ma wif truth or dare...pretti cool but i got it twice...*BOos. anw, gort to noe some stuff yeahs...hahas...
11. went into the guys rm to cont playin cos hong wei was beginin to get paranoid abt...
12. cont playin e game in e room when naraen suddenli opened e door and shout to no one outside...scared us man! den e guys were sayin tt they heard a knock...*bRr...hahas...n now yb became ver scared and paranoid...hahas...
13. n for no reason we all started screamin again...hahas...so e screamin game begins...yes...we screamed while we played, n screamed at the guys...hahas...
14 when we couldnt take it animore, we went bk to our room to tok...which turned to slp cos we were juz too tired...hahas...n the guys were cheated to tok e whole nite...hahas...bet u wun understand unless u r dere...hahas...
[wed]
1. woke up pretti late hahas...me n angela slp until e most late...haahs...
2. went to white sands for breakfast aft checkin out...
3. decided to watch star wars wif naraen, angela, hong wei, jing xin, samuel and yong bin. so we went to bugis to watch it...hahas...y not TP arhx? *grinz*
4. REALLI REALLI GREAT SHOW. did not regret watchin it...ver cool wif the light saber things...*wEeee and anakin is sho shuai~
5. went home to rot and get some SLEEP.
[thur] 1.went to orchard shoppin wif milkmugs!!!! yay yay yay!
2. hahas...hup was late n we 'punished' her by treatin us drinks =D n she was cheated for her drink which costs most but contained the least amt of drink.
3. bought identical ribbons for us =D hup didn wan to buy cos she dun hav long hair. =/
4. went to heeren to look at shirts n take neoprints.mad joined us later and our neoprints were so NICEEEE!!! now waitin for mad to upload them oni...*yay* *shoos mad - hurry hurry!*
5. hahas...went to far east to look at bag for hup n FINALLI she found one tt she likes and me, ilona and mad paid for her bag as a bdae! *yay* hahas...she was pretti shock...but i find it nice *WEeeeEEeeee
6. mad left before hup found her bag though...she went to hav dinnre wif arli...
[fri]
1. jux rotted at home
2. n rotted
3. n still rotting.
to milkmugs, we mug! hahas...anw, great time wif u guys we go kbox some day!!! =D and to ilona, happi trip back to indo and miss me k? *winks*
to astatine, had fun wif u guys though it's oni a 1 day chalet for me...=) have fun screamin!!!
and love <3