hav been doin a lot of window shoppin dis daes..man.it's GSS sale now n i aint buyin anithin? wad's wif me?

i jux cant seem to feel e urge or desperate need to buy somethin.dis is bad.
i mean, i enter a shop and oogle at the items on display.fine, at times i STARE lar okay? but somehow i dun see my hand stretchin out to pick up e obj to purchase it.i went to JP wif chewy n amy n saw some realli neat n cool stuff.but i jux kept it in my heart.dere's dis realli strange inner voice of me tellin me tt i shouldnt buy it.but why am i so willin to spend $$ on others?

when i see pple buy stuff, i do wan to buy stuff too...but dere's dis force pullin me back.like when shoppin wif MILK at orchard.saw mad buy a wallet n i happened to like one dere.i kept lookin n lookin n lookin at it.i tink e salesgurl might even be tinkin tt i was goin to steal it or sth.but eventually i told myself:NO.*sigh*
i aint broke.i aint rich.but pple keep sayin: no no no liwen.u are so d a m n rich lar!com'on man! dun forget u worked at starhub last yr n earned a 4 fig salary? my reply to u pple now is: So?

i dunch noe, i juz feel like i shouldnt be spendin dis money.though i earn it, i jux dun feel good abt spendin it.yes, u sae, dis is good wad.u r being thrifty...but tt's not me.when i was in sec sch i aint lidat.i realli went on shoppin sprees but i hav nv overdone it.

i keep spendin on e wrong thins.i buy food.yes.no prob abt tt.no hesitation.n i'm fat.not fat fat but fatter den wad liwen should hav been.i dun like it.i dun like it when i cant fit in my pants.i noe dis is being selfish cos some of moi frnes would hav killed to hav moi build.so i SINCERELY APOLOGISE NOW.i am tryin to voice my opinion now, tt's all.he calls me elephant leg whenever i wear my FBT. not tt i dun like it, it's fun i admit.but it makes me tink at time.i am short.wad now? FAT? sh*t.now, i am becomin one of those typical bimbos who go *eEeeew i gort another piece of fat here! *pinch pinch* tt's not me.i aint talkin abt FAT FAT.*sigh* wad can i sae? well, those muscles tt i used to be so PROUD OF and ADMIRE are now extremely LOOSE.

i need gateway to pump those muscles into me again.
ugh.*digression*
anw, i hav nv felt poor.my dad is a great man.l love him to bits.i cant imagaine life w/o him.i lurve him i lurve him.i'm not sick okie? but i jux cant describe dis feelins in words.

my family has nv been rich nor poor.we are jux a middle class family.income not exceedin **** i shant tell u how much.but he nv makes me feel poor.he alwaes bought thins for me whenever i show a likin for it.he doesnt mind how much it cost.he always spends money on us(my family)n not on himself.[sh*t, i tink i'm on e verge of cryin now]anw, he has not bought a shoe for like 2-3 yrs? he has oni a FEW pairs of shoes for both casual n office wear.when he buys shoes.it's oni when they are literally WORN OUT.he's not selfish.he REFUSES TO buy shirts even when dere are sales yet i keep complainin t i dun hav enuff shirts n shoes.e oni time he buys new shirts is jux before new year.jux tt once oni.omg.he cares so MUCH for my family n all e sacrifices he has made.he has been workin non-stop ever since i could rmb...workin OT if necessary n ever since e recession, he even take up more den one job.*daddeeeeeeeeeee!!! how can i let him labour so hard n spend all those money away? i ought to do sth! he refuses to let me work n wants to me study hard.tt's all.
n stupid enuff, at times when i am frustrated wif all e studyin, i would sit down n blame them.how could i? i would wonder who i am stufyin so hard for.i would think tt it was for them.cos tt's wad they expect of me.but no!!!i am so wrong.nv so wrong in my life before.i am studyin cos i wan to GIVE THEM A GOOD LIFE WHEN I GROW UP [shit now i'm cryin]. i cant make him work so hard animore.no more.my dad is 53 dis yr.yet he labours day in day out to earn a livin for dis family.my gawd* he nv complains! he always come home wif a smile to me although i noe tt he is so tired aft a long dae.yet i fail to notice it before.i am useless.

now my bro is in uni and e fees are like *****??!! they hav used up quite a lot of their savings alreadi n now hav to use e CPF to pay for it.dere are times when i wish i could get a scholarship to fund my uni in order not to burden them.but i noe if i stay like dis, no one is goin to offer me a scholarship.but i juz cant seem to giv up on all the fun n playin.i jux cant sit down to study.i realli hav to sit down n tink.

luckily when i was young, i was dong3 si4 enuff not to whine for thins tt i see when we go shoppin.back in those daes, it was jux look n touch n go.no buyin them.things tt i get are hand-me-downs n things tt they tink suit me.not tt i dun like it.i LOVE it.i am satisfied.totally.but e human greed is such tt u always long for things tt u dun hav.it nv fails to slip into ur mind when u least noe it.

so i noe not to spend $$ on unnecessary thins.n now older, i still keep to dis habit.look-touch-n-go.makes me wonder wad would my children be like? would they be those spoilt kids who get EVERYTHIN n ANYTHIN tt they wan or not need at all? i hope not.yes, we need to spend money to help rebuild our economy.so i decided to leave dis to those rich brats out dere.

i hav been under the lure of luxury items n yes i feel somwhere lackin when i dun own such thins too.but come to tink of it, i hav survive w/o them for 17 yrs? so why cant i now?